The Rules by Jamie Fessenden

Author:Jamie Fessenden [Fessenden, Jamie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-09-05T23:00:00+00:00

~ * ~

The doctor’s appointment arrived, adding a bit more weirdness to Hans’s life. First there was the problem of getting Boris into clothing. He flat-out refused to put on underwear. He didn’t even own any. He wanted to wear sweatpants, but Thomas vetoed that.

“Malish, there are men who can get away with wearing sweatpants without underwear,” he said dryly. “You are not one of those men.”

“Then I will not wear anything,” Boris replied stubbornly, as if he were five years old.

“If you wear jeans, I’ll give you a blow job when we get home.”

That did it. Hans found it irritating that Boris was so spoiled, though truthfully, he was beginning to feel spoiled himself. Thomas had a strong desire to take care of people—at least, the people in his household—and he had the financial means to do so. Hans was beginning to wonder how much he was included in that, but he had no doubt Boris could have just about anything he wanted.

They finally wrestled Boris into a pair of jeans, a ratty T-shirt that said “Write drunk; edit sober,” and sandals. He wouldn’t wear sneakers or boots unless there were six inches of snow on the ground. They loaded him into the car, and Hans was treated to Agoraphobic Boris, who felt nauseous and panicked whenever they went on the highway. In the waiting room at the doctor’s office, Boris complained constantly about the jeans and T-shirt chafing, and he stripped the moment they were shown to an examining room.

“Um… should he be doing that?” He addressed Thomas, rather than Boris, as if they were babysitting a child too young to understand.

“The doctor says it is okay,” Boris said.

Thomas rolled his eyes. “He asked Dr. Martinez if it was acceptable for a patient to be naked the first time I brought him here.”

“He is a doctor,” Boris insisted. “He sees naked people every day.”

Thomas shook his head but didn’t contradict Boris. He sat in a chair in the corner of the room, and Hans climbed up on the examining table alongside Boris.

A minute later, one of the nursing assistants entered. He took one look at Boris and gave him a wry smile. “Hello, Boris Ivanich. It’s good to have you back.”

Hans was surprised he pronounced Boris’s name correctly and knew to use his patronymic, but the fact that he showed no surprise at the nudity was proof he knew Boris’s eccentricities. Hans suspected the staff here regarded the Russian as one of their “problem children.”

Boris replied rather stiffly, “Hello, Nurse Ginsberg.”

“I’m here to get your basic information.” The nurse glanced at Hans curiously. “You’re a new patient?”

“Hans Bauer. And yes.”

He glanced at his clipboard. “You’re here for some tests? All three of you?”

“We’re… kind of in a poly relationship,” Thomas said. He seemed uncomfortable saying it out loud.

“We are in the kind of poly relationship where more than two people have sex,” Boris added, causing the nurse to snicker.

“I’m sure he’s figured that out,” Thomas said.

“Then do not pussy-foot around,” Boris said bluntly.

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